What am I going to do?!?

(Oklahoma USA)

I was diagnosed with IBS less than a week ago and this is truly my worst nightmare. I grew up with my mother's IBS problems always close at hand and always thought I would kill myself if that ever happened to me. Well, here I am and as much as I hate to admit it, that is tempting. The doctor was unable to do the colonoscopy with the twilight sedation because of my bowels spasming so I was put completely under and even then they had to increase the sedation to get my bowels calm enough to scope. Instead of being awake 45 min later it was 3 1/2 hours later when I woke up. My life has been turned upside down the last month. My farts are the standard my children judge huge farts by. My husband, who is familiar with my mother's problems, is afraid I'm going to be disgusting and he won't be physically attracted to me anymore. I've been unable to exercise because of the pain many days so after losing 75 lbs over the last year I've already gained 15 lbs back. I feel like I can't get my work done even because I'm in the bathroom all the time. Yesterday I was in so much pain that I was considering trying marijuana for the first time. I don't even know if it would help but I'd be willing to try it. If it weren't for my children I would have thought longer about ending this once and for all but I don't want to traumatize them. Today is my 30th birthday and I just don't know how I can handle all this. For now I guess I'll stick to this restricted diet, take the medicine, and cry when no one is looking.