Wanting to work at home

A couple of years ago I was laid off from a job I worked for 10 years. They knew me there. At least enough to know I had health issues. IBS with constipation kept me in the bathroom often and for lengthy periods of time. Business trips involved pre-planning for dietary and bathroom needs. At one point it came down to renting a separate vehicle with my own money so I could stop as much as I needed without inconveniencing my co-workers who were making the same trip. Stress played its part.

I wasn't laid off because of my health. The company lost its main contract. The point is, trying to find work involved worrying over acquainting a new group of potentially unreceptive co-workers with my situation. Its not like saying I have bad knees or lower back pain. Those offer visuals of someone putting a hand to the aching area and groaning. You mention Irritable Bowl Syndrome and that middle word sets the imagination going.

I've found work, my routine hasn't changed, and so far it isn't an issue. The problem I face is that I'm making half of what I was making before. We need more income coming from me. I'm looking at having to make a considerable career change but the stress and time involved in making that move will not only effect my health, but my involvement as a parent and husband. It is bad enough my health limits my time with them. There are levels of employment I just can't see myself inhabiting. My current job doesn't stress me much but I still have at least one day a week I wish I were home so I could have time in the bathroom throughout the day without it appearing suspicious or without lowering my productivity. A position with more responsibility is by definition more demanding and would definitely not be forgiving with the same routine.

I remember fondly the days when I could go to work, day after day, and think only of work. Work through lunch, skipping lunch, staying late. Never having to make sure my special diet was met. My mind was free to focus on work, learning, growing my skill set and advancement. At 42 I feel I should be well into a career. Instead, I'm working a job and wishing I was self-employed working out of my house. I feel as though its too late for change, with family, age, financial responsibilities that can't be broken up. I feel I can't focus enough to succeed at being self-employed.

There's more. So much more. I just can't focus right now to organize my thoughts. The psychology of this syndrome is weighing me down.