Christmas Trees, Mistletoe, stress and bathrooms!
(My first Xmas with
a sufferer of IBS.)

Article by Kev

In our first year together, Sian and I were invited to visit my parent's house for Christmas dinner. It started off ok, but then I noticed that Sian didn't look to be enjoying herself. Throughout the time we were there I could see that Sian was uncomfortable, didn't have an appetite and was always leaving the room to visit the toilet. She would sit in the corner of the living room reading a book or flicking through a magazine and then get up regularly to go to the bathroom or slip outside into the garden for a cigarette.

Being new to IBS at the time I just couldn't understand what the problem was. Sian gets on very well with my parents, the food was perfect (my Mum and Dad make a fabulous Xmas dinner), She was fine before we left the house…She just went down hill from the time we left the house until the time we got back home, which was earlier than I would normally have left.

When we got back home that's where she explained to me the challenge of living with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. She explained to me in glorious detail the 'fun' that sufferers have whenever they have to go out.

I can then remember spending a fair chunk of the remainder of that Christmas learning exactly what IBS is and the problems that sufferers face daily.

After that occasion, anytime we were invited anywhere as a couple I'd have to make excuses for her 'non- attendance'. I felt like I had to always think up new scenarios

 Staff Christmas parties were a 'No Go', It was hard enough trying to get her to go out to visit friends and family let alone mixing with a bunch a people she didn't know. It's meant that I've never been to any of my work functions because most of the people that go tend to go as couples and I just felt awkward if I was to go on my own. 

Whenever I did visit someone on my own they'd ask "Where is Sian?" to which the only answer I could give was that she was Unwell after eating a dodgy mince pie or she had other guests visiting her and therefore couldn't leave the house etc (my friends and family must think that I'm purposely poisoning the mince pies on a yearly basis, because Sian always seems to be unwell on Xmas….). 

I've been with Sian now for over 10 years and over the course of that time I've come to fully appreciate the frustration and anguish that sufferers of IBS go through. Living with a sufferer has meant that I've had to learn to adapt my way of life around the condition of my partner and to take lots more into consideration whenever I'm planning to do anything that would involve the two of us going out anywhere. 

I do still have some hobbies that involve leaving the house and I still visit my family regularly it just means that most of the time when I do it's on my own.  

For Sian and other IBS sufferers, just the thought of leaving the house to go visiting people can be very stressful. They start worrying about whether their symptoms will flare up while they're out and how they'll cope with a situation if they suddenly need a restroom urgently.  

Invariably, just by worrying about these potential problem causes the actual IBS pains to come back with a vengeance. It's kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy coming into action. 

From my own experience and the best advice I can offer to people who live with IBS sufferers is to 'LISTEN' to their concerns and be supportive.  

Try to see the world from their eyes and put yourselves in their shoes.  

For non-IBS sufferers trying to get their heads around the illness and trying to understand exactly what it is, the most important thing to remember is that for the actual IBS sufferer the symptoms are very real and not just 'in the head', and it can have a debilitating effect on the unfortunate people who suffer from it. 

Anyway, I'll end this article wishing you all a 'Merry Christmas' and I sincerely hope that the new year will be a good one for you.

Best Regards

Kev  d;-) 

(Note - Sian has written some excellent article's explaining a little about Social Phobia and Loneliness which are well worth reading for anyone that suffers the same sort of thing.)

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